She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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