My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize