I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
