is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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