Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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