oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize