Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
