In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
