How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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