remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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