This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
