i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's blow job season.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize