i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
