She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
