matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
