I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
