bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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