Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
