apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
