He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
