What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
