Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize