dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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