nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
