just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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