The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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