Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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