If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
