Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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