Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
