I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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