Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's always time for handjobs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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