Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
