i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
