A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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