just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
