I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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