it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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