Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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