wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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