Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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