Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
