Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
