I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
