My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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