i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
