Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
