Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
only if we run a train.
done.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
