I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
