if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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