Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
