I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
