It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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