One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
