So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
