So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
