best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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