There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
