I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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