Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
