I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
