you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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