She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need water and some morals
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
