dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Acid is not a monday night drug
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
