Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
