That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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