I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
