maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
