I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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