Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
