erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
