i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
