I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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