so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
