I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
