Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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