i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do vagina's smell?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
