If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
