There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
