She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
