Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
